A Gal's Eye View: On Online Dating

If you're going to do it, do it properly, and avoid being that topless jerk who loves Strada

By Against Her Better Judgment, 4 August 2011

No longer the province of nutters and the socially challenged, internet dating is now an acceptable way of meeting people you might eventually like to get a little sweaty with without the awkwardness of approaching a stranger in a bar and proffering your phone number.

It also provides the ultimate window shopping experience - all it takes is one line in your profile to make a potential think "meh. Next', and she's already clicked past you to her next prospective boyfriend.

So, based on a few thoughts from the girls, and one truly terrible experience I had that put me off online dating forever, here's how to write a profile that won't have her running screaming from the mouse:

- Make sure you upload a photo - and a good one. If there's no photo, you probably won't even feature on the radar. But please: nothing in which you're topless; pouting at the camera; or have your arms round two hot women. It doesn't matter that they're your sisters - at this point, we don't know that, and we feel threatened already. A nice one of you, sober, smiling - and, please, please, please taken within the last year, tops. Don't make us report you to trading standards.

- If you feel you need to, it's okay to bend the truth - slightly. There are so many options online that it's easy to instantly dismiss the people who don't fall within what we think are our ideal parameters. That said, if you do get to the date stage, she's going to see through any blatant lies PDQ. So, give yourself a little extra height by all means - but up to a maximum of two inches. If you tell her you're 6'2", she's not going to be impressed when 5'8" of you rocks up to dinner. Tell her you're 5'10" and she won't really register the difference.

- The only things she'll know about you are what you've put on the page in front of her. Yes, that sounds blindingly obvious, but think about the messages that information sends out. If you're 31 but have said you're only happy to date women between 18 and 24, it says nothing so loudly as "far more interested in having someone to act as arm candy than anything else. Arsehole of Grade A proportions'.

- Don't lie about your interests - you'll waste everyone's time. You won't have any fun if you go on a date and spend the night talking about politics when you'd rather be talking about amazing gigs you've been to this year; and she'll be deeply unimpressed if, as a self-proclaimed foodie, you take her to Strada on the first date.

- Clichés are boring. It might be true that you enjoy a night out, but be equally happy curled up on the sofa with a DVD and a bottle of wine. But having it on your dating profile doesn't distinguish amazing you from mediocre everyone else. Give snippets of information that she'll be dying to find out more about - whether it was trekking solo through the Amazon, or why your black lab puppy is called Steve.

Avoid clichés and the desire to make out you're a tall fireman when, in fact, you are but a short librarian. Basically, be yourself.

- Get a friend you trust to proof what you've written. They'll provide a useful sense check - and hopefully tone down some of your wilder statements before some poor woman has to sit through the story about the time you were almost awarded the Légion d'honneur.

- Think about the messages you send her. It sounds preposterous, but so many women are sticklers for spelling and grammar. Trust me. Anything you send should come with the implicit assumption that she's a thoroughly intelligent human being. Nothing containing the words "babe', "ur hot' or "there' when you mean "their' should ever leave your outbox.

- If you send a message and receive a rejection - or worse, nothing - in response, leave it at that. If she's not tempted initially, being needy and snarky ain't going to change her mind.

- Think carefully about the site you use. There are thousands out there - and you've only got yourself to blame if you sign up to HotWomenWhoAreAfterAVisa.com.